


The Ocean Breathes Salty, Won’t You Carry It In?

by HarrysWolfie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Death, Panic Attacks, Sadness, i had to get this out, warning: panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 04:03:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9160363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarrysWolfie/pseuds/HarrysWolfie
Summary: Louis smiled and wiped a tear that threatened to fall from his eye.“I love you,” is all he said.“I love you too, come home to me, yeah?”Louis smiled once more, “yeah.”Or the one where Louis finally grieves.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I had to get this out, had to write it down. It took me a while to process this tragedy. 
> 
> Disclaimer: This is pure fiction. I am in no way saying this happened to Louis in real life and am in no way insinuating anything about this family. Everyone grieves in their own way. 
> 
> RIP Jay, you were a beautiful soul that brought happiness to soo many people. You raised such an amazing family that you should feel proud of each and every day.

The flashes were going off like crazy. Bright lights hit his eyes, clouding his vision. His priority though was Lottie. Her hand felt like a weight holding him to the ground. He was trying to shield her as much as possible, keep her away from the paps. The paps who couldn’t even give them one night off. After their mum just passed away. One night to let them be as a family. Louis couldn’t even protect them from that. 

He’s been trying to keep it all together. Spending all his time in Donny. Making sure the kids are keeping a routine. Playing with the babies, keeping everyones mind off of it. He’s trying to hold it all together as a man grieves for his wife and his siblings grieve for their mother. Lottie helps, she truly does. He isn’t sure what he would do without her and her boyfriend. Both have stepped up to help Louis hold the family together during this time. Not to mention his own boyfriend who pretty much dropped everything to help in any way he can. 

“Louis look over here, Louis how do you think your performance went? Louis, Louis!”

The paps were relentless. Calling out his name.

“Lottie over here! Do you think your mum would have been proud?”

And that’s when he snapped. 

“Leave her alone for fucks sake! Move the fuck out of the way!” 

Louis guided Lottie, hands still firmly clasped together, through the crowd as quickly as he could. He could feel his mind shift. He could feel a shortness of breathe, the anxiety creeping in, a layer of sweat on his face. He was losing it, he couldn’t keep it together. Luckily they got to the car in time before anyone saw. 

“Louis, breathe, breathe!” Lottie all but screamed as she saw her brother fighting for breathe, tears starting to form in his eyes. 

It wasn’t like before. Nobody surrounding Louis knew him as well as their previous crew. The bodyguards changed now frequently, their drivers were always different. It wasn’t like when Louis had Alberto. Alberto knew Louis through and through, knew what to do when he was being a brat, knew when Louis needed to talk, knew when to just leave him alone. Alberto had his best interest at heart. Alberto would know what to do right now. But Alberto wasn’t here. It was Lottie and a very confused bodyguard. _Jason, Justin? She wasn’t even sure of the name._

Louis was gasping, he knew rationally that he had enough air to fill his lungs but was having a hard time actually doing it. His hands were covering his face as he was rocking back and forth. 

“Shit, Lou,” she whispered. Her first instinct was to call her mum, but then it hit. That wasn’t an option anymore. She pulled herself out of it, her brother needed her. Naturally the next person who popped into her mind was Harry. Harry who knew more about Louis than probably their whole family combined. 

“Lou, just breathe, you’re okay,” she said as she rubbed his back, not sure if she was helping or making it worse. She pulled her phone out quickly and dialed Harry’s number. 

On the third ring Harry picked up, “Hi Lots, you alright?” 

“Harry he’s not breathing, he’s hyperventilating. I don’t know what to do!” 

Harry didn’t even have to ask who. He knows who. He’s seen it happen before, a few times. You see Louis goes and goes and goes until he can’t go anymore. He puts everyone else first but himself. He hasn’t even properly grieved. Everytime Harry tries to talk to him about it he gets a quick answer of _I’m fine harry or _I don’t have time to breakdown Harry, the kids need me. So he would drop it.__

And then this happens, the signs clear as day. 

“Lots he’s having a panic attack. Can you put me on speaker so he can hear my voice?” he asks calmly. Internally he’s a nervous wreck. Thinking of his boy hurting like this is killing him but there’s no sense getting Lottie more scared then she already is. 

“Love, it’s me, it’s Harry,” he says and then he waits. He wants to make sure Louis is attuned to him. Wants to make sure he’s listening, so he repeats it again. He can hear gasping noises in the background and its breaking his heart. 

“Harry he still can’t breathe, I don’t know what to do!” Lottie responds. 

“He’s okay Lots. Louis, baby, it’s Harry. Love I know you feel like you can’t breathe right now but baby you can. You know how to bring the air into your lungs. Baby Lottie is okay, she’s with you right now and your both on your way home. You need to relax baby.” 

Usually the pet names are reserved for Harry. He preens when Louis uses them, can’t get enough really. But he also knows this is what Louis needs when he gets like this. He needs to be taken care of for once. 

“Lots, making him lean forward. Make him put his head between his knees, can you do that for me?” Harry asks. This isn’t typical. Usually Louis would have responded by now, even if his breathing was still uneven he would have said Harry’s name, let him know he was trying. 

“Yeah I can, come on Lou, lean forward,” he heard through the line. He waited. 

“Okay his head is between his knees,” she says. 

“Good. Baby do you feel better? Does it feel better, like you have more air? Talk to me sweetheart,” he almost pleads. 

He could start to hear the gasping subside. More like sharp breathes now. He waited, he didn’t want to push him too fast. He paced around their living room waiting to hear that voice he loves so much. 

“Hazza?” It came out as a whisper, like he couldn’t get enough out to make it strong. 

“Yes baby, I’m here. Breathe for me love, nice and strong. In through your noise, out through your mouth. In through your noise out through your mouth.” 

They kept doing it for a couple of minutes before Louis finally felt confident enough to lean back in his seat. He looked at Lottie sadly, “I’m—“ 

“Louis I love you but if you say you’re sorry I will have to hit you,” she laughed. She was scared to death, she’d never witnessed this before. She knew Harry had by how he dealt with it. They fascinate her every day. She’s never seen two people who care so deeply for each other like Harry and Louis do. 

“I second that.” Louis looks up at the phone still attached to Lottie’s hand, the phone that Harry’s voice is coming out of. The voice that can calm him like no other. 

“Lots, can I?” He nods towards the phone. 

“Of course. See you in a bit Harry,” she says. 

Louis takes the phone, turning it off speaker as he leans against the cool window and talks low, “Hi Hazza.” 

“Hi love, gave me a scare there.” 

Louis smiled and wiped a tear that threatened to fall from his eye. 

“I love you,” is all he said. 

“I love you too, come home to me, yeah?” 

Louis smiled once more, “yeah.” 

The drive back to their place was quick after that. Jason or Justin or whatever his name was bid them a quick goodnight as they got out of the large SUV and made their way up the driveway. Lottie was staying at Louis and Harry’s place for the night and heading back to Donny in the morning. 

Harry was of course waiting in the living room as they walked through the door. Lottie figured they had a lot to talk about and wanted to leave them alone. She moved to give Harry a quick hug. 

“He needs to grieve, Harry,” she whispered in his ear. 

His eyes responded with an _I know_. With that she went upstairs to get ready for bed. 

Louis looked dead on his feet. Exhausted from the day and a little broken. 

“Come on love, let’s get you changed and in bed,” Harry pleaded with sad eyes. 

The trek up to their room felt long. Louis was feeling tired so he let Harry undress him and gently coax him into bed. He made a happy little noise only when he finally got to cuddle up to Harry, head laying on the younger boys chest. 

Harry waited, he knew Louis needed to take his time. When he wanted to talk he would talk and nobody was going to get him to do it any sooner, Harry included. 

That’s when he heard it, soft little sobs escaping from the tiny boys mouth. Harry felt his chest starting to get wet. Louis was crying. _Finally_ , he thought. 

“Shhh, you’re alright love. Let it out,” Harry said as he pulled him closer, rubbing his back. 

“I - - m-iss her s-o much,” Louis whispered between sobs. Like he couldn’t say it out loud because then it would all be too real. 

“I know you do sweetheart, I miss her too. She was one of a kind, your mum,” he continued a steady pattern on Louis’ back. 

“She was the best,” he said in-between a fresh new batch of tears. 

“What are these kids going to do without their mum, Harry they are so young!” 

Harry tensed, he couldn’t imagine losing his mum, but especially not at the age of Louis’ siblings. 

“Love, I know it’s going to be hard but they will get through this and you know why?” Harry asked. 

“Why?” 

“Because they are strong, Jay taught them to be that way. Look at their leader. Strongest person I know. My favorite person as a matter of fact. He always makes me feel safe and loved and happy. And baby, you do that for them as well. I have no doubt in my mind that those kids will be okay, “ Harry spoke. 

Louis thought for a second, little sniffles coming from the darkness of their room, “you think so?” 

“Baby, I know so. Bravest people I know. And you have an army around you love. You’re not in this alone and it scares me sometimes when you think you are because things like tonight happen. And love that scared me so much, I hate that you let it get that far.” 

Louis whimpered and let out another sob, “I - k-now, it’s j-j-ust.” 

“Just nothing Tomlinson. You have so many people that love you sweetheart. That would drop everything to come help you. Me, mum, Robin, Gems- babe you know she would babysit in a heartbeat. And I know you think Lots is still your baby sister but honey she is more grown up than you think. Her and Tommy have done such a great job with the kids, let them help you. And Liam and Niall are always there. Babe Niall’s just a tweet away, he’s got you on notifications. Little obsessed if you ask me, but I can understand.” 

Louis lets out a giggle at that. Even in the dark Harry knows every inch of Louis’ skin, he reaches over to brush some tears from his face. 

Louis sniffles, “who else?” 

He knows, knows there are so many people who love him and his family but he’s feeling a little vulnerable and a lot sad and he needs this. 

“Well there’s Lou and Lux, and Dan’s side of the family and your mums side. There’s your friends baby, and our friends and my whole family. So so many people love. You’re not alone in this, please know that. Let us help.” 

Louis stays quiet for a moment. 

“Okay,” he whispers. And it almost breaks Harry’s heart in half. He hates to see Louis like this. He hates to know how much he’s hurting and how there’s nothing he can really do to help except just be there for him. He wishes he could take some of that pain away but he knows it will only get easier with time. He will be there every step of the way. 

“I love you so much. I want you to talk to me okay, don’t keep this inside love.” 

Louis nods against his chest and Harry knows that’s all he’s going to get out of him tonight, but it was at least a start. Louis hasn’t let himself break like this since this whole thing started. 

He’s absolutely exhausted. Harry knows they have a rough couple of days ahead of them, but he will be there holding Louis' hand through it all. 

**Author's Note:**

> I want to make a part two to this, I have some left over thoughts that didn’t fit into this scene. If I have the time I might write it.


End file.
